Last year on Christmas Eve my husband reluctantly called me an ambulance at 1am, I was having chest pains and was freaking out thinking I was having a heart attack, it turned out to be a bad indigestion and then an anxiety attack but it hit me hard. I really felt at the time I was having a heart attack at the age of 32. I freaked, I was 130kg, never exercised and over indulged in food and alcohol regularly. I decided that day to make some changes I felt so angry at myself. It made me think about my kids and how they would cope without me and how selfish I was being.
I have lost 15kg since then it’s been a slow process so far but I have made big changes and have taken my time to really work through my demons which relate to food. I am very active now and just love running around and playing with my kids.
For Christmas this year my husband bought me a FitBit and a new exercise mat, my husband said I was so much easier to buy for because now I had an interest in fitness. That made me smile. I have been super conscious of how much I was eating and drinking over Christmas even though I told myself I would let myself eat whatever over Christmas I found I did not want to over indulge.
So the next 12 months I am putting my foot down! I am quitting high sugar foods, I am going to make the best food choices possible and workout at least 4 times a week. This year I faced my demons next year I will defeat them. I know them now I recognize them time to take them on.
I want to lose another 28kg. I will do this by eating well and tracking, making a conscious effort to take 10000 steps or more a day and working out hard at least 4 times a week. Next Christmas I want to be at goal!!

He said the word sprints and I thought yep I can do that, He demonstrated a standing start and the right motion to get speed and  said “go” and off about 20 teachers went running full pelt down the basketball court. the adrenalin I feel when I run kicked in and I went for it. I look around at one point and realised I wasn’t last lol I actually was killing it (in my head anyway) I came third!!!!, third I only started running this year. Last year I would have stood there and laughed, me run that’s a joke right. Never ran at school and if I did it was never fast!  

Thursday was so much fun. Not a word I have ever in my life associated with Physical Education. In high school I hated it, but when your a chubby teenager who is a little unco it was embarrassing and led to taunts.  I am sure my PE teacher hated me, I was that kid who complained and did not want to participate. I did softball as summer sport in year 8 I hated it, I think I hit one ball that season. Thankfully after 3 weeks of sitting back watching and only going on if they were in dire need, I had to have my knee operated on, after tearing my cartilage swimming of all things. I got to score, that was the last summer sport I did till they brought in water polo. Now don’t get me wrong I have always been sporty but also abjure competitive and as I put on the pounds I was no longer competitive and so I just didn’t participate and life has kinda been like that for me for the past few years. My participation levels in anything strenuous or active were non existent and I would laugh and scoff at anything that would remotely work up a sweat or make me feel unfit or un coordinated. Pride can screw you over.

Until 4 months ago no one but my family saw we work up a sweat. I exercised at home and ran at 5am to avoid people seeing my bulky arse being dragged down the street. I but I love exercise and as I got fitter I decided to brave the gym and now I go at least three if not four times a week. Thursday was the first time I have run in front of people I know. I was not embarrassed I was really proud of myself because now I can do it. I CAN DO IT!!, We played loads of games and did lots of different skills and exercises. I participated in every single one. I am still hopeless and cricket and I am sure if I attempted softball again I would be so crap at that, but I joined in and that is massive. I am participating in life again and I am loving every minute of gaining my life back. The weight loss has been slow but the fitness and life I have gained over the past 12 months has been amazing and I will keep moving and I will keep trying and the weight will keep creeping off, because I know better now and don’t want to go back.

I have been having so many thoughts about body image lately I wanted to share my thoughts. I have an 11 year old boy who has all of a sudden taken an interest in wanting a six pack. I don’t think much of it until I realised that hey that’s what most males in the media are displayed with airbrushed six packs even the action Figures of superheroes have them! And we thought Barbie was bad for girls!! I watched the 1960’s version of batman with my youngest today and noticed that Adam west had no particular muscle definition at all. How strange then that they feel the need to make Christian bale muscle bound in a black plastic suit.

Tonight on Facebook a friend posted a very interesting link to a video about how the media portrays the ideal woman and how they all are airbrushed so none are real. That there is a societal expectation that we strive to meet that perfect image and if we don’t we are failures. We spend so much time and money worrying about how others perceive how we look. I am not immune to this at all I often look in the mirror and feel fat and ugly. I see the lines starting to appear the saggy tummy, fat thighs and the buffalo wings and feel depressed that I do not meet that standard of beauty. I do sometimes look at body and think wow we’ve come a long way, I take selfies to compare just to make sure that there is a change. Then I feel Down because I look at the stretch marks, the varicose veins the loose skin and think to myself you might lose the weight but you will never have the perfect body. Why do I care? I don’t know why I care, i think it may be that I want to feel beautiful and worthy, why do we let what we look like define us?
I am stronger and fitter then I have ever been in my life. I eat well and am starting to get my life back and try new things step out of my comfort zone yet still I think my body image is holding me back and how others see me matters I wish to God it didn’t but it does. How great does it feel to have someone noticed you have lost weight and tell you how good you look. It’s never about the mental strength I have gained or the good choices I have made very rarely do I get you are going to gym good on you or great job for not eating that chocolate bar or well done for working on your emotional eating. Nope it’s you look great have you lost weight?, now I am
Not saying that isn’t rewarding or doesn’t feel great but it says something about who we are as a society and what we value. I will try and add the link to the video it’s food for thought and I think it might just help me to start to accept that I am awesome and beautiful no matter what size I am but that I want to be healthier and fitter and that has to be my focus, how I look can be just a easing side a>https://www.facebook.com/sherrell.miller.50/posts/10153590158355486

I have not blogged in a while been so busy. This round has been good for me so far I have lost about 2.4kg small amounts each week but no more plateau!! I am also the lightest I can remember being in 15 years!
My personal trainer is a bit of a food nazi but that as been quite advantageous seeing it is the food I have issues with and even though I have made some positive changes he is hitting me up for more. I have to send him my food diary daily and he will comment on my choices good or bad. I have cut the refined carbs I only have bread in the morning and very small amounts of rice or pasta when I eat them. I am loading up on fruit and vege which helps me to hit my carb number and I feel good.
My issue is being consistent. I am great during the week but come weekends it’s a free for all and although I have always tracked my cals on my fitness pal sending it to someone else has made me consider more the type of calories I am consuming as a pose to how many. Before I didn’t care as long as it sat in my calorie count so I would eat that chocolate bar instead of any other snack or drink 2 glasses of wine. Now I am super conscious of my snacks and what I am drinking and what nutrients I am consuming. This has made the difference during the week, but the weekends are my challenge.
The weekends, they are my killer I have no organised meals have to eat out and I find it really difficult to just say no. But this is my challenge until the end of the year and oh through the school holidays to maintain consistent eating and exercise habits when out if routine. When I think back I realised I never really followed 12wbt on weekends don’t think I have had one 12wbt lunch on the weekend at all so that is my goal to make it a 7 day a week effort.
I am seeing changes in my body that I like too! I have collar bones who knew lol and my rings are getting looser. I like the definition in my shoulders still hate my arms and legs but I am a work in progress. And I have a few of the mums at school come and ask me what I am doing to lose the weight which is really nice feeling. Feeling blessed and in control at the moment and that is an awesome feeling : )