This is my Round 3 2013 12WBT before pic, at the moment I am weighing in at 118.1Kg and wearing around a size 18. Argh scary stuff putting that out there but this is all about being accountable and staying on track.
I don’t look at that picture and think yuck I look at that picture and see a body that I have treated very poorly. It has done amazing things like carried and delivered 2 beautiful babies and it allows me to move and breathe and experience life, I however have filled it with crap and let it become inactive.
I have been an emotional eater since I was around 9 years old, I was a normal sized kid till then, around that time I was being bullied me at school. I used to sneak any thing and everything out of the cupboards and eat them under the blankets at night. By the time I was 12 my mum had me going with her to Weight Watchers, I don’t think my mother ( god bless her) has ever really understood the idea of a portion size for children although we ate very healthy meals usually meat and three veg, she filled our plates to the brim and we were expected to finish everything on the plate, I still feel guilty not eating everything on the plate so we have small plates : ). However as Kids we were always active swimming and dancing and playing outside were all part of our lives well into our teens.

Weight Watchers was to be a constant in my life for years after, I don’t know how many attempts I had at weight watchers. There was also Sure slim, body trim, rapid loss, opti fast, and countless others. I lost weight on all of these programs but always gained it back and then some.

I have never had a great body image, I suffered burns to my back and arms when I was a about 2 and my mother was always careful to cover my skin. I never wore the same types of dresses or little midriff tops that were big in the 80’s and 90’s, my sisters did and at the beach I always had full piece cozie whilst my sisters frolicked around in little bikinis, I used to think it was because I was too fat to wear a bikini even at the age of 6 or 7(and I was a healthy sized kid), I never thought about the scars on my back my mum was trying hard to protect from the sun. I have always seen myself as fat. It didn’t help that kids are cruel and keep reminding you of it. So now I have decided that no matter what preconceived notions I have about myself I do not have to carry that label forever, I don’t know what its like to not be FAT, I have never experienced being happy with my body.

This is an emotional journey. For the 1st time in my life I am feeling my emotions not eating them. I am recognising that this is a bad habit and dealing with it. Yesterday I had a to leave work early to pick up my son from school as he was unwell, I was stressed at having to leave work unfinished and guilty that I was leaving early and angry at my self for feeling guilty because my kids come first. The first thought in my head when I got into the car was drive to the petrol station and get some chocolate. A couple of weeks ago I would have done it, but for the 1st time in a long time a light bulb went off and I realised you don’t want chocolate you want the feelings of guilt and the conflict to go away, eating the chocolate won’t help that so I had to deal with it. Which I did by coming home and doing my kitchen makeover.

I started this journey 4 rounds ago. I did two rounds at the beginning of last year the second of which I did not complete, I had a miscarriage half way through that round and lost all motivation to keep going however I kept the 5kg of the 10 Kg I lost on round 1 off. So I got back on the wagon in January this year and I am committed to this now however long it takes!!.

My weight loss to date has been slow and kind of like doing the cha-cha one step forward two steps back. So far in two rounds of the 12WBT I have lost 8kg. I lost and gained the same two kilos for the last 6 weeks of the last round and I am determined to see it gone!!!, so my goal for the next month is to lose 3kg and keep it OFF. Part of achieving that goal is to stay accountable and really stick to clean eating. So this is where I will record those light bulb moments, the struggles and the celebrations of this journey. I hope to motivate myself and hopefully a few others along the way : )